How To Build Strong Children

Beginning today's message, Johnson Bowie is on stage with his wife, Summer, closing out a series about family called "Raising the Next Generation".  Getting questions from the audience and online, Johnson and Summer open with the intent of their message; How to Build Strong Children.   All of our children have potential.  We want our kids to grow up as believers and as leaders.  Our kids are the future prophets, apostles and teachers. 

A question that came in from the Internet is (all questions are in green); What is the most important thing to know as a parent?  The answer is a long list, but the thing that seemed to stick out is the fact that parenting is intentional.

Proverbs 22:6 says,  "Train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it."

We are training up adults.  We are training them intentionally in the ways of the Lord.  Parenting doesn't just happen where kids are raised up to love God.  With this in mind, Johnson announces that they are going to list out the top 10 things to do when raising a child.  These points apply in virtually any scenario where kids are being brought up. 

1. Teach them to love God and to love His Word.  Kids must know that.  If we fail at everything else, this is the one thing to be sure we do.  Johnson's dad is a Presbyterian minister.  His family virtually never missed church, but there are way too many people who go regularly to church and are not saved.  In the story of Samuel, Samuel's mother Hannah prayed to the Lord and promised that, if the Lord would give her a child, she would dedicate him to the Lord all of his days.  In 1 Samuel 3, it talks about how Samuel kept waking up his guardian, Eli, because he kept hearing a voice (it was God), but as the Bible then says, "he did not yet know the Lord".  By this age, Samuel was being trained up in the temple every day!  He was active in the rituals, the prayers, the ministries and every aspect, but he didn't know the Lord!  It is a tough thing to reach the heart, but it is the responsibility of the parents to try and culture the personal relationship with Christ. 

Slugs & Bugs - God Made Me from Scott Brignac on Vimeo.

2. Train them in godliness.  This isn't telling and teaching, this is TRAINING.  We have to roll up our sleeves and show them what God loves and what God hates.  But just as big as the what is the why, we have to give the kids a vision of what we are living for.  "Because I said so..." doesn't get it.  If there is no vision, kids will rebel.  When parents are not there, the kids have to know that God is there. Why is it that Christian girls are more apt to involve themselves in oral sex?  Because they are obviously missing the point; that their bodies are temples of God!   The vision, in this case, is NOT virginity; It's about PURITY.

Our job as parents is to have the hard conversations.  We can't let the world teach them.  We have to teach them.  We have to be the ones who take on the awkward tasks.  "When you bought the mini van, you became awkward anyway."  It starts in the home!  We have to model this, though.  Kids can sniff out hypocracy a mile away.  We are the gatekeepers. 

However, even as we teach our kids God's Word, we have to give our children a chance to walk out their faith.  Otherwise, overprotected kids will fall away and fail. We would rather our kids fail at home than away, right?

Another question that came in is; What happens when our kids are around parents with different values?  This is another hard conversation.  It is one where parents ask other parents to be honored on certain points.  If this is blown off, we then train our kids why our position is the way it is and where in the Bible it says that this is why God says this. 

3. Don't be afraid to discipline.  "How many of you have been around undisciplined children?"  Your kids will be thankful later on!  Proverbs 19:18 says, "Discipline your children while there is still hope; otherwise you will ruin their lives."  With vision, don't be afraid to make tough decisions.  Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves his son disciplines him promptly."  If our children know we love them, then they will be able to understand that we have to discipline. Also, when disciplining, the parents have to be on the same page, otherwise the kid sees divisiveness.  What's more, treat all children, even adopted children, equally. 

What do I do if my child is in unrepentent sin?  It is a hard question to answer, but a) have the hard conversation, b) bring in some scripture, c) wrap your appeal in love and d) do not underestimate the power of prayer. 

4. Develope deep personal relationships with them.  It is easy for this to turn into a controlling environment.  But we have to have a home of love to balance discipline.  Kids will resent you and the faith if they don't feel love from you.  Your kids should know that they are the most important thing to them.  Important:  You are going to get more of what you celebrate.  If you will encourage rather than scold, the encouragement will yield far more.

5 Encourage them to honor and respect authority.  The Fifth commandment is to Honor your Father and Mother.  If we can teach our kids to do that at home, they will learn to honor others.  There has to be a culture of honor.  DO NOT PUT DOWN YOUR SPOUSE in front of the kids. 

6. Teach your kids to forgive others.  Matthew 18, the scripture says that, if we have an offense against someone, we have to confront them.  We have to model for our kids how to forgive. 

7.  Challenge them to stand for what is right, not for what is popular.  We have a whole generation of kids who are spineless and who do not stand.  We have to teach them that the priority is what is right in God's eyes.  Teach your kids that you and God will always love them no matter what.  But they have to know that most people do not stand for what is right.  Let them know that you will back them up here! 

8. Disciple them to embrace a strong work effort.  Teach and encourage your children to do good jobs.  You are raising future adults.  It is never too late.  Teach them responsibility and how to earn money.  Teach them how to do laundry and how to

9. Direct them to fulfull their God-ordained purpose.  Help them to live every day for their purpose.  Teach them that God cares what they do with their time.  We have to come alongside them and help them to step into their future.  The role of the mother is affirmation.  But the role of the father is confirmation.  Confirmation is laying out purpose and vision.  Confirmation also speaks out value, "You didn't just do good (affirmation), you ARE good (confirmation)."

10. Inspire them to love all people.  Model to them that, since everyone matters to God, they matter to us.  We have to love people.  In John 13, "As I have loved you, so must you love others."  Give money to the guy on the street. If someone needs you, reach out to them. 

Recently, Johnson took his son downtown to Safehouse Ministries.  Beforehand, Johnson explained that there were many different people that they would see who didn't believe like or see the world like they do.  But when he picked up his son from school, someone had laughed at him in class about going to minister to the homeless. "How did that make you feel?"  was Johnson's response.  "I'll never forget his answer"... "It made me feel bad for the homeless guy. 

Already, Johnson could see his son learning to love what God loves and to hate what God hates!

How Can Two People Stay In Love for 62 Years?

Beginning his series "Staying in Love", Andy Stanley's first message, "the Juno Dilemma", opens with him saying, "I'm always hesitant to mention movies...but how many of you have seen the movie, 'Juno'?" It's about a teenage girl who gets pregnant and has to decide what to do. She lives with her father and stepmother and she eventually decides to give the unborn baby to another couple as an adoption. But as the story progresses, Juno begins to learn that this other couple has problems to. About 2/3's of the way through the movie, there is this tender conversation between Juno and her father where Juno asks a profoundly important question that sits atop our modern society. "Dad, I just need to know that it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever." Don't we all ask this to ourselves?

The reason this is such an important question is because, despite all that we've seen, the state of our current or previous marriage, what we've seen in our parent's marriage and what we generally see in society, there's something in all of us that thinks this is STILL POSSIBLE. There is a glimmer of hope in us that we can be in a life long love story. "I think that is a little bit of the image of God in you... and in me." We know the world out there and we know that it isn't probable that we will have this kind of a lasting marriage, but we have the hope that we will. We have the hope that, by some miracle, our lives will reflect the love story.



We would all like to know that there is that one special person who we sense is out there that we could live happily with all of our lives. Early on, we begin looking for the person to whom we'll fall in love. "We need to spend about 10 seconds talking about 'falling in love' because that's all it really takes...if we have a pulse" There's people out there that make our hearts flutter. "It's so easy to fall in love with all the new forms of communication and ways of meeting people, but it's never been more difficult to stay in love." Few people have ever been around a couple that remains romantic and maintains a healthy "staying in love".

The laws of relationships in our society are so wrong, but yet we've adopted them making it impossible for us to stay in love:

Do unto others as they deserve to be done unto,
Do unto others as they do unto you
Do unto others as your mood would have it
Do unto others so as to get them to see things your way
Do unto others until you wear them down and get your way
Do unto others until you are ready to leave

Sometimes we see that people stay together, but we usually also see that they aren't happy. We, as a society, are completely ill-equipped to know HOW to live happily ever after. The other thing that makes it so hard is what we felt growing up. "A bunch of smart people got together and found out what it takes for a child to grow up in a nurturing environment to be emotionally equipped to engage in long term relationship." Here is that it takes; massive doses of respect, encouragement, comfort, security, support, acceptance, approval, appreciation, attention and affection. Sounds like the family we all grew up in, right? So, if that's what is required for us as adults to have a long term relationship, how difficult is it then to meet someone else who has had the same experience? "When we get married, are you going to constantly demonstrate to me respect, encouragement, comfort, security, support, acceptance, approval, appreciation, attention and affection or are you just cute?....or do you just have a good job?" Over time, our relationships turn into strangleholds trying to squeeze these attributes out of each other.

The disturbing statistic is that 40% of the children in our society today are born without a dad. We can argue all day long about supportive single mothers, but if it takes all of these characteristics for a healthy long term relationship, these children are really going to struggle!

Another thing that makes this extremely difficult is that our society has a really low threshold of pain relationally. It doesn't take much before we decide to get out. The message we get every day is that, if we are unhappy in a relationship, it's because we haven't met "the right person". "You chose poorly and you need to re-choose." But if you ask someone whose been happily married for 20 years plus, they will tell you that there were many times when they asked themselves the question, "had they married right person?". Choosing the right person is certainly a part of it, but becoming the right person is the hard part and that's the part where we get little or no help in our culture. The odds are against us in our society. It is possible, but not probable.



But into all of this chaos, Jesus speaks to us the foundation for enduring relationships. What he says to us is so counter intuitive but it works. "Don't take my word for it, just ask someone who has a long term relationship....Here is what you are going to find..." In John 13:34, Jesus says, "a new command I give you." In this passage, the Greek word for "new" means extraordinary, hidden and discovered, remarkable. He says, "love one another." But listen to what Jesus does in this sentence. He takes a word that we normally use as a noun and uses it as a verb. It's an imperative. It's a command. People say they are in love, but Jesus might say, "no, no, no. You used to noun. Now I want you to verb." We can't feel it. We have to do it.

Jesus says if we want to foster love and help it grow, we have to choose to do so. The foundation for staying in love is to make love.... (it's funny when Andy pauses here) a verb. The feeling is like the caboose of the train, that is no longer what it used to be, the engine. "The more you make love a verb, the more you will make love". Love is something you do. When you actively love one another, it will enrich the relationship. But Jesus doesn't stop there. He says, "As I have loved you, so you must love one another." In other words, Jesus was saying He doesn't want us to take our queue from society or even from our parents. He tells us that He will teach us to love.
Years later, the apostle Paul put it another way, but he uses a word that is offensive. It just sticks a little harder. But it is a powerful word that helps us understand HOW to love. In Ephesians 5:21, it reads, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ". Paul says the foundation of marriage is mutual submission. We should make each other the priority. If we have ever seen this in a relationship, we can see love is alive and well. This is a choice we have to make. We might think it doesn't make sense, but it is the key to staying in love.

"One of the greatest things about being a pastor is...we get to see a man or woman who both grow up in a dysfunctional home...they come to know Christ...they choose to accept the principles that Jesus gives us...and they choose to incorporate these things in their home...and then these two meet...they then marry...but their marriage is reflective of not of what they experienced growing up, but of the way they understand Christ loves us." They take the cue from their Heavenly Father. In learning to submit, they take their queues from Jesus who submitted to us. "It is a privilege to see these people genuinely in love after years of marriage."

(Fran & Marlo Cowan (married 62 years) playing impromptu recital together in the atrium of the Mayo Clinic. He turned 90 in February.)

That thing that is so wonderful about falling in love can actually be maintained and can even get better! But it's not because you chose or picked the right one. It's because you did the right thing. You chose EVERY DAY to make your love a verb. That's a lot different from saying, "You are so good for me. I need you. You have what it takes." Do you know why most romantic comedies are so short? It's because not long after the funny ending, it gets serious and problems start arising. They have to end the movie before it gets bad.

What does it mean to truly live in a marriage of submission? Andy saves much of this for his next message, but he encourages us to practice focusing on what it would look like in our current relationships to regularly submit to one another.